Jayceoneal.com

Tyndale has posted a blog about me and part of my journey to becoming a writer.

http://dld.bz/tyndalejayce

I recently had the chance to be interviewed for my new book No Girls Allowed. There are three segments so check them out!

 

 

 

I recently did a radio interview with Bill Behrendt and he editted some of my words from the interview to create a Jayce rap. Check it out:

You could win a FREE copy of No Girls Allowed by spreading the word!

To enter to win a FREE copy of No Girls Allowed do one or more of the following (You can enter as many times as you want and your chances of winning go up the more you enter):

1.) For TWITTER copy and paste this message:

See how to win a FREE book by @jayceoneal: http://dld.bz/jayceonealwin

 

and/or

 

2.) For TWITTER copy and paste this message:

Check out the NEW book by @jayceoneal: http://dld.bz/jayceonealnga

 

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OTHER WAYS TO ENTER-

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5.) Enter with FACEBOOK by "sharing"or "posting" either of these links about No Girls Allowed. (To count for the giveaway the links/posts must be visible to others on your wall and you must notify Jayce about the posts)

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6.) Enter with YOUTUBE by posting a video about why you should win a FREE copy of No Girls Allowed. Once the video is made, it must be posted to your Facebook wall and Jayce O'Neal's Facebook wall too. http://www.facebook.com/jayceoneal

*REMEMBER THE MORE YOU POST THE BETTER YOUR CHANCES OF WINNING ARE! Winners will be selected based on level of participation.  

** GIVEAWAY CONTINUES FOR AS LONG AS SUPPLIES LAST.

*** All language, videos, and all other content must be clean, appropriate, and seeable by kids.

My new book NO GIRLS ALLOWED is just about ready to launch. It is a good book by an outstanding publisher. Tyndale House has been great to work with and I am more than happy with the final result. We are looking to get the word out about the book, so if you or someone you know is connected to a magazine, radio station, podcast, TV show, newspaper, blog or other way to get the word out about my book please contact me. I am available for interviews and would love to hear from you!  Email me at info@jayceoneal.com

By Dr. Jayce O’Neal

7-9-2010

Independence. It is the basis that every American principle is based on. We have the freedom to make decisions on our own. We are free to choose our church, our jobs, and our friends. However, if you look at the landscape of relational America one can begin to see that it is not always healthy independence that people are exercising, but rather something woefully different. We now can custom make just about anything we need. We can get our cars any color or specification we desire. Heck, you can even get a helicopter pad put on the roof of your vehicle if you have the money. When you go to a restaurant you can get your meal exactly to your liking. You can get it medium rare, without mayo, extra side of this or that and double the dessert to top it all off. Freedoms are not bad in and of themselves, but it becomes very dangerous when a person begins to apply it to human beings. Often when a person cannot customize the people around them they begin to distance themselves from those around them.

It wouldn’t be too hard for you to find a person who has decided to isolate themselves to avoid having to deal with any unwanted people. Perhaps you know someone in your family, work place, or perhaps you yourself are guilty of detachment.

Detachment, refers to a condition where the people are so independent in their functioning that it is difficult to figure out how they are related to one another. (Mental Health)

A healthy person may take personal time to recharge and catch their breath from their hectic life. Jesus did this. He went away to be alone (or sometimes with a few close friends) and rested. This is perfectly fine.

A person guilty of detachment separates himself or herself as an habitual routine. Independence is based in a healthy freedom, but detachment is based in a self centered control. The motivation for this form of control is usually fear or pride. Perhaps the person has been hurt or rather they simply believe they are above others.

In friendships a healthy person may need time alone. This is especially true if this individual is an introvert. Needing personal time is absolutely normal.

A “friend” who is guilty of detachment can barely be considered a dependable friend. They simply do not commit to too much. This may result in many unreturned phone calls or emails. This person is usually wrapped up in his or her own world and sees other’s attempts to connect on a deeper level as a threat to their independence or self importance.

A healthy person isn’t afraid to make a commitment.

A detached person simply does not like to commit and if he or she does then they often do not follow through with their commitments.

In marriages it is healthy for a spouse to have some alone time. If Sarah wants to go get a massage or pedicure or Ken decides to watch a baseball game to unwind it is totally normal.

Yet, it is not healthy when a spouse becomes emotionally unavailable or decides to do everything on his or her own. If Sarah starts sleeping in another room or Ken only goes to the movies alone then something is out of sync. At times spouses check out because they find it tough to cope with present circumstances or they simply become lazy in their obligations. Detachment does not fully consider the needs of the other party.

A healthy response to being active in church would to recognize that you can’t be a part of every program and every activity, but to be committed to whatever possible and being active in the community of the ministry.

A detached person will view activity in church as a hotbed of hypocrites and a threat to their independence. A detached person can use past experience to justify their beliefs that church is simply a man made construct with no use for today.

Detachment is in direct contradiction to how Jesus lived and how he wanted his followers to live. Jesus says I will meet you where you are. Detachment says meet me where I want to meet…if I feel like it. Jesus loved the unlovable. Detachment is a self centered, immature approach to life that is equal to social clicks of high school where one can pick and choose the cool kids while leaving the undesirables behind. Jesus spent time with the tough personalities and potentially dramatic folks, but detachment views that as a direct violation of his or her freedom. And they are right, but freedom is morally neutral. Freedom can be used for good and for bad and in many cases in the local church or in the relationships of Christians people choose to detach themselves rather than use their independence to love on those who might be tough to love.

It is possible to special order your food or car, but one can’t special order people. People disappoint. People fail. People are imperfect, but Jesus still hung out with Judas and Peter even though he knew they would both fail him. Jesus spent more time with the sick, depressed, and difficult people than the high prestige and “cool” people. Jesus spent time alone to seek God and recharge to help others, while detachment separates oneself to be alone to help him or herself only.

Detachment is selfish, lazy, and weak. Many times those that show no grace to others were never shown grace themselves. This does not excuse their behavior, but it does allow others to empathize with these individuals. God loves them just like he loves you.

However, with great freedom comes great responsibility; or to whom much is given, much is required. After all, Matthew 19 points out to love your neighbor as yourself, not love yourself only.

Mental Health-http:www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_index.php?idx=37&id=156

Dr. Jayce O’Neal July 7, 2010 ©

By Jayce O’Neal

7-8-2010

God based his kingdom on love. Therefore, the church should be grounded in love as well as should each of our personal lives and relationships. However, many people do not display fruits of love, but rather deep seeded actions entrenched in enmeshment. What is enmeshment?

Enmeshment refers to a condition where two or more people weave their lives and identities around one another so tightly that it is difficult for any one of them to function independently(Mental Health).

One of the problems with dealing with enmeshment is that on the surface it can look rather healthy and loving. However, when you scratch just beneath the surface you will spot obvious differences. The key difference is that healthy intimacy is based in love, while enmeshment is based in fear.

A healthy family does not want to see their child leave for college, but offers love and support anyway.

An enmeshed family does not want to see their child leave for college, but does everything to keep the child from leaving with manipulation, threats, and often results in cut offs once the child decides to leave anyway. A cut off is when family member or close friend no longer has contact with someone who was once close to them over some sort of conflict. If you see a family or person with a pattern of cutoffs then most likely they struggle with elements of enmeshment.

A healthy friendship creates an atmosphere of trust, so that one feels safe to talk about struggles or issues.

An enmeshed friendship has an unrealistic expectation that he or she must share absolutely everything and also expects the other party to share everything too. There is no room for secrets of any kind. So if Jon tells you something in confidence than the enmeshed friend would expect you to tell them everything. Also, enmeshed friends expect you to feel the exact same way about people as they feel. If they like Adam then you must like Adam. If you don’t trust Adam then there is an expectation that you must distrust him too.

A loving friend offers to help and make connections for their friends with no expectation of anything in return.

An enmeshed friend offers help and connections with a price. The price is generally some form of control. If Hannah is enmeshed then she might expect that Britney owes her something for introducing her to Kasey. For example, if Britney decides to hang out with Kasey without telling Hannah then Hannah will feel used. Enmeshed individuals also read into situations and see slights when there really are none at all.

Enmeshment is based in fear and it attempts to control relational outcomes at all costs. There are passive aggressive forms where an individual will tell everyone else that they have an issue with Jessica except Jessica herself. There are also more abrupt versions where an enmeshed individual feels wronged and expresses all of his or her feelings, but usually unless the “offending” party gives in the result is often a cutoff.

A healthy church will create a loving atmosphere that people will not want to leave, but if a member must move or chooses to attend another church then a loving church does everything to help that member make the transition.

An enmeshed church will try to guilt its members to stay and use commitment and loyalty and various scriptures to keep the family from leaving. This is not love, but rather a controlling enmeshed approach to leading people.

Enmeshment can happen in churches, families, and friendships. It can even happen in marriages. If a husband or a wife is rooted in fear they can manipulate the situation and prevent the other spouse from doing anything that threatens the enmeshed individual. For example, a wife who is rooted in fear might not allow her husband to chase after that dream that has always been in his heart, because it threatens her security. Or, a husband might bully his wife from trying out for something she really enjoys, because he fears he might lose control.

Enmeshment can take place between parent and child too. If a marriage is not perfect a mother might look to a son to fulfill emotional needs. She might go to him for all of her issues and expect him to be her primary support system. This forces a child to change to a parental type role and typically is not healthy.

Those who struggle with enmeshment often have been hurt by people they care about or experienced some sort of trauma. This does not excuse the behavior, but does help one to empathize with those who struggle with this issue. God loves them, just like he loves you.

The first thing to do is identify if you or someone you care about has these issues and the next is to ask God to change your heart. The answer lies in the love chapter,

Love is not jealous or boastful or proud. Love does not demand its own way and it keeps no record of when it has been wronged. Love always expects the best of people (and not the worst). 1 Corinthians 13 (modified)

Enmeshment is based in fear and control, but perfect love casts out all fear. Amen.

Mental Health-http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_index.php?idx=37&id=156

Jayce O'Neal 7-8-2010 (c)

I had never met a blue person until yesterday. Yesterday a blue person punched me in the face. Now I know that all blue people are mean and violent and do not like me.

I had never met a group of Allitigersorus’ until yesterday. Yesterday a group of Allitigersorus’ gave me money for food when they saw I was hungry. Now I know that all Allitigersorus’ are kind and giving, and like me very much.

I had never been to the country of Nowhere until yesterday. Yesterday the country of Nowhere ignored me completely. Now I know that everyone in the country of Nowhere is rude and ignorant and do not think much of me at all.

A blue person had never met Jack until yesterday. Yesterday a blue person said hello with their customary greeting and Jack ran away angry. Now the blue people know that Jack isn’t very friendly.

A group of Allitigersorus’ had never met Jack until yesterday. Yesterday a group of Allitigersorus’ paid Jack enough money to get rid of him, because they did not like needy people. Now the group of Allitigersorus’ have a law that keeps people like Jack away from them for good.

No one in Nowhere had ever met Jack. No one from Nowhere still has ever met Jack, because when he thought he was in Nowhere, he was indeed somewhere else.

4-10-2010 (c) jayce o'neal

Check out Jayce's story:

http://tinyurl.com/jayceoncover

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"No Girls Allowed"

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